Tales From Space Station 13

What’s up Buttbuddz fans, today I have brought a collection of real stories originating from various Space Station 13 servers for your entertainment. Reader beware, you’re in for a scare..

The Fly Swatter

Job: Security Officer

Server: /tg/station

It’d be a lie if I said this round started normally as the first thing I heard over radio was “security a plant is breaking into chemistry”. Upon detaining the rogue plant I found out a flyperson was behind the whole scheme. While I’m beating him with my baton the warden started yelling at me because the flyperson is naked and disgusting, and a scientist comes up and offers to blow the fly up with a bomb. A tempting offer, but I’ve something else in mind: “How about instead, I hand it over to xenobiology so you can mutate it into something else besides a fly?”, with the scientist’s approval I bring him over to xenobiology (luckily for me i was picked as the science guard). The Research Director asked why I was in there, but once I explained I was making the fly a test subject for xenobiology he was happy to take control of the situation. As the RD dragged the fly into xenobiology, the last words I heard from the fly were “What is happening?”.

I’m not sure what the fuck happened to that flyperson as I never heard from him again. The rest of that round wasn’t too noteworthy besides me arresting a couple lizards who broke into the HoP office and helping the HoS kill his impostor. It would have been a happy ending, but alas someone bombed the shuttle just before it took off and I, along with 97% of the crew who were on the shuttle, died.

When the round ended I saw the person I gave the fly to was actually a traitor, so if I had to guess the fly probably ended up getting fed to slimes. Whoops!

The Squad Chef

Job: Squad Leader

Server: Colonial Marines

Things are always fun when I’m the squad leader, yes indeed if Roy Gerbil is your squad leader victory will be guaranteed, even if you lose! Unfortunately for us, during the briefing command gave my squad (charlie squad) FOB duty. FOB Duty is always the worst thing and least amount of fun you can have while playing Colonial Marines so I was praying for something interesting to happen.

While we were heading down on the dropship, I overheard my squad specialist talking about his plans to cook the local wildlife. An excellent idea if I say so myself! Since we were on FOB duty, I gave my squad some new orders to secure the kitchen and organized a small scouting party to go out and look for wildlife. Everything was going well, until my squad medic starts complaining about my idea, claiming we’re supposed to be fortifying the entire nexus and not just the kitchen. Clearly he was blind since I had one engineer securing the kitchen and another setting up FOB around the rest of the nexus.

Luckily the scouting party I sent came back with two dead monkeys, and now it was time to feast. Unfortunately the squad specialist, despite his ambitions, was not a great cook. He was a pretty bad cook in fact, as half the things he tried to make ended up as burnt messes. This was made worse by the fact that I forgot to eat my rations before I was sent down, so I was pretty fucking hungry, as such I ended up placing down a squad supply beacon and begged logistics to send down some food. They must not have got the message because all they ever sent down was ammo and metal, so I was forced to eat the specialist’s half-baked (or over-baked) trash which didn’t do much to satisfy my hunger.

While this is happening, hydroponics is being attacked by xenomorphs and my squad medic is still bitching at me for overseeing the kitchen operations instead of helping to reinforce hydroponics. But command never told me to reinforce hydroponics, as such my duty was still to guard the FOB and produce low-quality junk food. It was a good choice since hydroponics ended up falling shortly after, now we could get some action at the well-fortified FOB!

The xenos tried suicide charging a few times but with my excellent communication and use of close air support we managed to repel the attackers with minimal losses. Now it was time to take the initiative and make a counter push straight to hydroponics. The xenos couldn’t handle my highly unorthodox strategy and were forced to retreat across the river, where we continued our push and eventually won the game. All thanks to Squad Leader Roy Gerbil and his food rationing scheme!

The Corgi

Job: Corgi

Server: NoX Station

On the now inactive NoX station, there was an option to play as a corgi. Corgis were a joke role, and usually if someone were punished they’d be banned from all jobs except for corgi. This was because corgis were completely useless and incapable of doing anything on the station.

For some reason I decided to play as a corgi this round, and upon exiting the arrivals shuttle the first thing I see is an assistant and a security officer fighting each other in the arrivals checkpoint with the door wide open. Seeing my chance to do something as a corgi, I went in and started removing the security officer’s equipment. Since the officer was standing still in the same spot I actually managed to take off his security belt and taser while the assistant was disarming him, with this the assistant grabbed the baton, stunned the officer, then handcuffed him.

The officer swore to report me to the admins but as far as I know he just ended up getting laughed at for losing to a corgi as a security officer.

 

Those are all the stories I have for this article, please subscribe to the Buttbuddz for more great Tales From Space Station 13.

Why Rise of the Tomb Raider Is a Trash Game for Garbagemen – a BUTTBUDDZ review

Hey buttbuddz fans today we are going to take a quick look at a video game, and boy is it a stinker. Yeah that’s right, we’re talking about Rise of the Tomb Raider.

When you think about great video games, you realize there are many things which can make for a great video game. Depth, challenge, charm, good story, level design, satsifying mechanics, sound design. We live in a world where games such as Age of Empires 2 and Doom are played for decades thanks to their great design and mechanics, and games like Half Life and Final Fantasy 6 are loved for their timeless stories, creativity and all that stuff.

This part of the game was actually kinda fun, with you exploring a dungeon with some easy puzzles, some ACTUAL platforming. Too bad the game goes to shit after it.

However, today we are talking about Rise of the Tomb Raider. This game has a terrible story line which rips of Indiana Jones and 30s adventure movies, but changed the fun adventure and enjoyable characters to some trashy drama. The storyline is bad. The characters are cardboard, and we are presented to ancient tropes without any self awareness or interesting twists. This makes for an objectively boring storyline, and it doens’t help that the game tries to make you symphatize with Laura Croft by torturing her at every step. She is always being mauled by bears, hunted down by psychopaths and falling of cliffs. She probably can’t go to the store to buy bread and milk without stepping in a bear trap and falling off a cliff. In fact, bad things happen to her so much that I’m pretty sure the entire development team gets off  to this, and that’s quite nasty I think.

Of course, a video game is about playing a fun game, and a good story is irrelevant as long as we got enjoyable gameplay mechanics, good level design and fun things to do. I am happy to report that Rise of the Tomb Raider doesn’t have any of this. The game might try to trick you into believing that theres a lot of options and paths to take, but the game is linear with a few side paths here and there which reward you with nonsensical bullshit. There is also uncharted-style climbing, which is like watching a lets play of Super Mario 64. You hold down W or something and spam space and there you go you are watching Laura Croft slowly climbing up a wall. This isn’t fun. The game is also a cover based third person shooter. I don’t think I need to say more here, because by definition cover based third person shooters aren’t fun. Linear games can work, but this sure as hell doesn’t. The boring shooting and the boring climbing and the boring paths to walk down makes it feel like you’re on the worlds boringest rollercoaster. The game likes to think it’s survival based too, but you aren’t surviving and barely getting by when you got a bunch of guns and perfect bow and arrow skills on the linear roller coaster.

The publishers knew the game was crap, so one of the steam store page pictures is just Ms. Crofts face.  Good work.

I don’t want to write more about this game. It’s really bad, and is a good example on what video games shouldn’t be. Video games should be fun times where you explore interesting worlds, meet interesting characters and interact with fun mechanics as the game thinks up new ways to challenge your understanding of the mechanics. Rise of the Tomb Raider is just a crappy rollercoaster designed by a bunch of people who don’t like video games. And also I gotta say, this game is exactly the same as the last Tomb Raider. The story, the gameplay. Nothing has changed. It’s bad. Every time I try to do something fun the game punishes you. Avoid this game at all costs.

TOTAL SCORE: brutecangrey.pngbrutecangrey.pngbrutecan.pngbrutecan.pngbrutecan.png243891359264669696.pnggreypepsi.pnggreypepsi.pnggreypepsi.pnggreypepsi.pngA pretty bad game which gets 3 coke cans for being boring and terrible. I will spare it the remaining 2 because i guess its competently made. I will also add a single Pepsi can for the good looking environments. This is a very generous score, which I think Square Enix should be happy with.

A No-Impression Review of Danganronpa V3

What’s up Buttbuddz fans, today I will be reviewing this video game which I have not played and barely seen. But I can tell whether or not something’s good or not just by looking at it, so don’t worry about it! Now I’ve at least heard of this game before, apparently it was banned from Something Awful, which left me wondering if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

This is not an anime article.

Now my first no-impression with this game was not a good one, because I saw it was an anime, easily identifiable by the characters’ anime designs and the very Japanese names. I found out it was not all like that however, and I will get to that soon.

It could mean my subscription to the Ape Quarterly!

You see it seems only a large minority of the game is an anime with the rest of it, seemingly intentionally, appealing to Buttbuddz audiences, which almost makes up for it being an anime. Luckily anime styled games are being replaced with classic western styled games as the rise of games like Bendy And The Ink Machine (which the buttbuddz did a review on please check it out) and Cuphead show. But I’m getting off-topic, and this is a subject for a future article.

You can tell at least one of the developers was displeased with the game’s anime direction, as the game contains great cartoon bears and references to Disney’s Toontown Online. Now you may not see the Toontown Online reference in this image, but according to legend the voice actor for this character who was a FISH in a past life also voiced Spike Spiegel in the kind-of-anime Cowboy Bebop, and Spike Spiegel is the name of Pickles The Random Toon’s toon. There is also an unconfirmed reference to the Bean Counter cog from Toontown Online, but it could also be a reference to actual bean counting.

So for my no-impressions review of Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony, I rate it

 – 1 1/2 PEPSI CANS out of 5 – for great Buttbuddz references and not-anime things in an anime game, with the potential for more if I had any idea of what the gameplay was like

 – 1 COKE CAN out of 5 – for being anime

If you enjoyed this review of Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony go check out the new Danganronpa related video on The Buttbuddz Youtube channel!, and do subscribe while you’re there!

Is Kirby Really Evil in Squeak Squad? The Manga Explains All!

Remember Game Review #1: Kirby: Squeak Squad, one of our first ever articles on the blog? Of course you don’t; The quality of articles didn’t get to “memorable” levels until about two days later. (So memorably, in fact, that we can still feel the waves of the Pretty Cure Content Flood of Summer 2017 to this day; At this point, we might as well give Cure Marine her own pillar/merge it with the Sailor Moon one…)

So what separates that simple, humble review of a Kirby game from our many great articles after it? Well, what if we told you it was an awkward, early article that suffered from being rushed? Sure, the game-play part of the review turned out okay, but the critical research failures within the review were about the game’s LORE.

Yeah, that’s right; Kirby: Squeak Squad‘s lore is a lot deeper than it looks, and -like the original article mentions- is not very noticeable in the game, for you see… Everything’s actually in Squeak Squad‘s manga adaptation!

Yes, it’s real, and some of it’s even been scanned/translated by fans before. (Keyword here being “some.” The sites and their manga sections have been inactive for years, so I wouldn’t expect more to pop up anytime soon…)

First off, the manga goes over time and time again that Kirby is not evil. For example, -rather than being up everyone over cake- here’s Kirby spreading the wealth of Maxim Tomatoes and Invincible Candies with Dreamland’s residents, making every man a king comparable to the likes of Dedede in the process.

Speaking of King Dedede, Kirby also offers the great king parts of the plot’s strawberry shortcake if he helps look for it; Kirby sure is a straight up honest guy!

For a game commonly nicknamed “Kirby’s Fucking Pissed”, the manga is somehow a lot calmer; Even the “treasure chest that contains the cake/villain” part of the plot is more sugary-sweet than what one would’ve seen in the game!

[Pictured: What Kirby keeps assuming what happens to the cake every time anyone takes it.]
Of course, we know what you’re really here for; RATS. Don’t worry, they make plenty of appearances throughout the manga adaptation of the game they star in.

Even Kirby himself liked Squeak Squad’s very own rat clan enough to try and join them at one point in the manga!

He already had the Rats Mix-tape; Joining the Rat Clan was only the next logical step!

There still might not be any Escargoon in the game’s manga, but to say that Kirby: Squeak Squad doesn’t have a lot of lore for a Kirby title is simply a mistake; Squeak Squad has as much of a story as any other title, you just have to know where to look for it!

This article was brought to you by Fivebuddz: Buttbuddz-quality freelancing for only $5 of the Buttbuddz budget! (Or, alternatively, over 500 jelly beans.)

It Happened in Toon Valley: Where Are All of the Vibrant Toons Now?

For as long as there’s been SpeedChat Plus, there’s been Toon Valley. Despite having gone through many names over the years, it’s become an infamous staple of Toontown Online; Whether one has always known it as Nutty River, or Vibrant Valley, everyone can always agree that it’s almost like a state of mind among the game’s player base.

And despite Disney’s noblest intentions with implementing the chat system, nobody has ever used SpeedChat Plus for it’s intended purpose; Actually planning things.

However, with Toontown Rewritten‘s newest 2.0.0 update and the game finally leaving beta, one of the many changes the team made to current build of their Toontown remake was renaming all of the districts again. What was wrong with names like Colorful Canvas, Stencil Steppe, and Acrylic Acres? Those were perfectly fine district names!

A hopefully-intended side effect of renaming the districts was getting rid of the Vibrant Valley residents; Well, it worked. Sort of. They got rid of Vibrant Valley, but they couldn’t get rid of the Vibrant Valley; It’s just been displaced from its home-district once again, now wandering around from Blam Canyon to Zoink Falls in search of its new namesake and home.

So what’s Toon Valley’s latest incarnation then? Problem is, it’s a lot tougher than normal to find out, as its former populous is currently split up among Toontown’s many districts. Just as quickly as they’ve been displaced, though, they’ve just as quickly narrowed their choices down for their newest home.

First off, they’re not gonna pick a SpeedChat-only district; That would completely defeat the point of being Toon Valley. After all, one can’t make clans or invite people to one’s lousy game show with the default SpeedChat. This means that we know for certain it’s not Boingbury, Gulp Gulch, or Whoosh Rapids; You can’t become Toon Valley if you don’t have the chat system needed for Toon Valley to begin with!

However, you can buy the “I wish I had Speedchat Plus” phrase from the catalog for 100 jellybeans.

Another clue to figuring out which district would be the newest incarnation of Toon Valley is its color: Blue districts are barren worlds, free from the influence of the Valley, and -luckily for us- make up the majority of the districts. (Because how many people are on Toontown at any given moment, really… Maybe a few thousand at most?)

…As for the one red district that always seems to show up in game, well… There’s a reason it’s considered “full”; It’s currently being used as Toon Valley! Think of as the game doing you a favor by not letting you into, for an example based on the screencap below, Bounceboro, at that very moment.

This is an accurate reflection of how Toontown districts work in game.

Another thing to keep in mind is what time you’re playing the game as well; If it’s too early in the morning or too late at night, not a lot of people are going to be online, and as a result, it would be harder for Toon Valley to keep a stable hold on a district; At worst, maybe you’ll just find a small pack of brutes, but you WON’T be finding any massive brute-conventions that end up covering most of Toontown Central.

If -for some unknown reason- you actually want to go to Toon Valley, the afternoon and evening would be your best bets on finding its newest host district. (Do keep in mind that both the game, AND this article are following American time zones, so going in the afternoon/evening might not work for everyone, everywhere.)

With all of that said, you have successfully found the newest incarnation of Toon Valley! …Or, at least in theory, you would have found it; The real question is whether or not it holds up in practice. Yeah, that’s right; We’re gonna go to Toon Valley!

…Oh god, we’re gonna go to Toon Valley.

For our mission, we’re gonna be sending a RAT, a protector of Toontown Central’s streets, to the newest incarnation of Toon Valley.

We were gonna send in the Rat Clan’s giant rat, but he’s been MIA for awhile…

You see, Rat Jack is already experienced in dealing with Vibrant Toons; He and his boss, Giant Rat, have encountered cats, and even a hacker before! If Jack’s dealt with some of the worst Vibrant Valley had to offer, then surely he can navigate his way through its newest incarnation, right?

…Wait, what do you mean that Bounceboro’s TTC, the only red district in the game at the time, was completely barren!?

“Normally, you’d see toons all of the toons meet up in the middle, but nobody’s here today.” – Rat Jack, after teleporting back to Buttbuddz HQ.

We sent another one of our toons, Peony, to the other playgrounds that Rat Jack was unable to cover, and as it turns out… The reason Bounceboro’s been red all day was because of a an all-day beanfest located in Donald’s Dreamland!?

Well, at least I’m finally getting paid to write articles.

But when all hope seemed lost, it turns out that Toon Valley was in actually Thwackville (a green district) at the time! Rat Jack couldn’t believe it; the Vibrant Valley he knew before was still alive. Perhaps not as alive as it once was, but it certainly was alive.

Seeing how quiet it was at the time, I don’t think you missed anything.

When Rat Jack returned to the Buttbuddz HQ a second time, he did mention that Thwackville/Vibrant Valley was a little calmer than it would’ve usually been, which he found kind of odd. However, -as mentioned earlier in this article- the removal of the Vibrant Valley district had been causing more than a few issues for its residents. Or perhaps, maybe Rat Jack just showed up during a calmer moment for the reconstructing community, and it was/became FUCKING TERRIBLE before/after his brief visit to the district.

This article, though, is about proving Toon Valley still exists, not about the Toon Valley experience itself. If you’re reading this article, you’re already likely familiar with what the district in its many forms -including its currently-nomadic one- is like; We don’t need to, or even WANT to go over it again.

Pictured: Two of Thwackville’s cats confirming that our theory is indeed correct.

In conclusion, you can take Vibrant Valley district out of Toontown, but you can’t truly take the Vibrant out of the Valley. Now whether or not Vibrant’s toons will stick with Thwackville, or eventually settle onto another district, only time can answer that… In the meantime though, be careful when going into red and green districts, especially if you’re located in Toontown Central; You’ll never be able to truly know if the district you’re moving to is actually just Toon Valley!

Also, subscribe to the Buttbuddz for more quality investigative journalism like you just read in this article, as well as many other exciting types of articles you won’t want to miss!

Why Cboyardee is the Most Important Man on the Internet

Cboyardee, also known as Chef Boyardee. A name not often heard today, but back in the day he was known as memelord 1#. In fact, the modern internet has a lot to owe to this man, shrek memes, MS Paint videos and great video games. Let’s take a closer look.

Cboyardees most important work.

First, let’s take a look at Cboyardees most popular, but not most influencal work, Dilbert 2. It’s MS-Paint aesthetics are known across the world for it’s quality and artsyness, and the video remains popular despite Cboyardees original channel being deleted by YouBrute. Despite being a popular video, it hasn’t influenced the world as much as it’s sequel, Dilbert 3.

Is Dilbert 3 more important than Dilbert 2?!?

You see, Dilbert 3 introduced the world to robocop.mp3, a remix of the theme song for Robocop for the commodore 64 or something. This great remix would rather become the theme song for clowns in Space Station 13.

Yeah that’s right, without Cboyardee we wouldn’t have this most excellent tune.

And while you see, the Dilbert videos are popular and well known, Cboyardee has done a lot more for the internet, too much for one article, so I am going to mention two more groundbreaking achievements of his.

Cboyardee invented Shrek memes. Yeah that’s right, long before “Shrek is love, Shrek is life”,  Cboyardee created the classic “Shrek is NOT Drek” video, and also a daily series of Shrek themed jokes and even a let’s play of Shrek on the GBA. So if you enjoy Shrek related memes, remember to thank Cboyardee.

But now my good friends, we will look at Cboyardee‘s greatest achivement. A complete, classic vidcon enjoyed by childs all over the world. I am of course talking about the everylasting classic of  vidcon, it is BARKLEY SHUT UP AND JAM GAIDEN!

Yeah that’s right, Cboyardee was one of the devs and also the composer of this classic vidcon. If that doesn’t make you an important man on the internet, then I don’t know what will. And despite the fact his YouTube was purged long ago, you can still find Cboyardee hidden on the internet, working on Barkley 2 which will come out in the year 20XX, and you’re very exited for it.

But now I have to go, I have some b-ballin’ to do. I am very grateful to live in a world where b-ball isn’t outlawed, so byebye.

The Buttcade – Trouble Witches Origin Episode 1: Daughters of Amalgam –

Hello you buttbuddz fans, and welcome to a new buttbuddz review. Yeah that’s right, we are going to look at a SHMUP today, sometimes called a scrolling shooting game, or even STG if you’re either a Japanese person, a weeaboo using Japanese terms to make you seem cool to your fellow STG fans, or you simply prefer your video game genres to sound like a disease.

Hey look a fun video game!

Today we are going to look at a video game named Trouble Witches Origin Episode 1: Daughters of Amalgam, which is a STG developed by Studio SiestA and published on Steam by Rocket-Engine Co.,LTD.

In Trouble Witches to play as a Magical Girl who must shoot things. There are many modes, like a story mode which I haven’t played and a arcade mode which I have played. An important part of the games mechanics is the fact that you can have your pet mascot thing slow down the bullets in a part of the map, this makes it easier to dodge the bullets since this STG is of the bullet curtain variety. You can also fly into a shop to buy up to 3 cards, which are power ups you can use to destroy a lot of enemies. My favorite is the meteor.

Another important thing to note is that to get money, you have to release the SHOOT button, which makes the money fly right into you. This is actually pretty fun and I like this mechanic, even though it’s a very simple addition.

You can buy items at this store.

There are also a lot of playable characters, but I haven’t touched most of them, but I can already tell you that the best character is the blue girl (who lives in the blue world) because you see her pet is a FISH, which means she is the most powerful character since she is supported by fish. Another thing to note is the great graphics. Unlike most STGs, Trouble Witches has a great hand-drawn 2D look which is great marksmanship. The backgrounds are mostly CGI, but they don’t look too bad, in fact they are pretty good in many cases.

The stars is also a fun power up you can buy at the store. Please also note the great fish which follows you.

Yeah, Trouble Witches is a very fun game and you can in fact buy it on Steam for a low price, and it is very worth it since its a fun, challenging game with a lot of content, most of which I haven’t touched yet but I sure will.

I give it a “Good Game” out of 10.

Buttbuddz Video Game Recommendation Station #2 – Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors.

Good afternoon, live from the buttbuddz tower with 7 helicopter pads in beautiful Vienna, Austria it  is the buttbuddz here with a new fresh review for you to read, today we are going to look at a great video game with an excellent storyline named Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors, popularly called 999.

Later releases of this game has different box art.

Yeah, thats right. In 999 you play as a dude named Junpei who has to escape a sinking boat with 9 other people. They have 9 hours, and there are 9 doors that can help them seek a way out. In order to escape, this ensemble cast has to do various escape the room puzzles, which are linked by long visual novel portions. This might sound like a shitty mix of WORDSWORDSWORDSWORDS visual novel parts and shitty flash game puzzles, but you are actually wrong.

Not many words to read in this example, but that really is for the better.

999 does in fact have the most thrilling storyline in a video game ever. Yeah that’s right, this game eats your favorite video game story for breakfast. A detailed storyline with excellent characters, exciting twists, philosophy and a mystery which will keep you hooked for hours are all here, and there are multiple endings which allow you to see different sides of the story and characters, and a true ending which wraps up the game perfectly. But wait kids, there is more to this.

Puzzles! This is the first puzzle room.

Not only is there an excellent story, but there are also said escape-the-room puzzles. The puzzles are great not only because they are fun and require a decent amount of thinking, but the puzzles themselves are a part of the world and story. That’s right, the puzzle rooms reveal lore and have ties to the main storyline. These puzzles are not a thoughtless addon to a visual novel, they are a major part of the story themselves and that’s very excellent. The story never feels like it’s going to halt when you get to a puzzle room, the story keeps going and thats very good since the story in this game is excellent.

The writer and director of this game also worked on PEPSIMAN, which means this game is blessed by pepsi, which is why it’s so excellent. It proves that Pepsi only works with the most talented game creators in the world.

All in all, Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors is an excellent game and I really recommend you to check it out since I love it, and I think it’s a 10/10.

The game also has two sequels which might not be as solid and excellent as this game, but are worth checking out if you like 999. They are 7-8/10 games.

Buttbuddz Video Game Recommendation Station #1 – Earth Defense Force 4.1 The Shadow of New Despair

Hello boys and girls I’m going to tell you lads about a real good game you can all play on steam or Playstation4, yeah that’s right it’s Earth Defense Force 4.1 The Shadow of New Despair.

Man having a fun using his mech to shoot a big bad robot.

Yeah, that’s right. The giant insects have invaded earth together with a bunch of robots of varying size. You play as EDF Soldier with gun. You must destroy these alien invaders.

In Earth Defense Force you get to play as 4 (four) different classes, all with their own exciting playstyle. There’s the Ranger who uses conventional weapons such as rocket launchers and can dodge roll for a very vanilla funtime, there is the Wing Diver who can fly real high with her jetpack on and shoots with disco inferno lasers and cool stuff like that, there’s the Air Raider who can shoot at giant insects with death rays from outer space (In other games, death rays from outer space would be a setpiece or a cutscene, but in EDF you can have giant death rays whenever you want) and he can also spawn vehicles such as giant robots, helicopters, motorcycles and giant tanks, which is fun for the whole family. And of course, there’s the Fencer who is the tank who can dual wield miniguns or have a cool shield which lets you go fast and also defends. There is fun for everyone in EDF thanks to these classes, and not only that there are 800 weapons to use too, so theres lots of fun playstyles you can try even within the different classes!

Your average EDF mission…

Wow, and there’s so many enemies varying from ants to robots to kaiju which create for a fun and varied experience. Roam a huge, realistic city with destroyable buildings, fight giant spaceships and play online with pals, or raise the difficulty to insane levels. There are over a 100 different missions, and like 40 more with DLC, giving you many hours of fun destruction. There are so many giant insects, giant robots, dragons, bees and aliens to destroy in so many ways, that the fun can not be halted. EDF is amazing and it is in fact the greatest game of all time. Only a MASSIVE, NASTY, CARD COUNTING BRUTUS BULLY DRAFT DODGER PIECE OF CRAB SHE IT HEAD FRICK would not enjoy Earth Defense Force. I therfore declare EDF as GOTY 2015, GOTY 2016 and I give it 10/10 and make it a Buttbuddz Game of Choice.

Don’t get caught in the spiders web!

Crash Buttrospective – Crash Bandicoot 2

Hello, it’s me Mr. Buttbuddz and I think it’s time for another excitapating episode of our first buttbuddz retrospective. Today we will look at the second game in the Crash Bandidash series, which is Crash’em Bash’em 2: Vengance: Ressurection, also known as Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back in Europe.

Press start to begin

Like with the first game I’ve played Crash 2 at least a couple of times, but for this retrospective I’ll only be replaying the first world to jog the memory strains. A secret tip is that if you do not skip the first cutscene, you get to play a short secret stage before you enter the first world.

You can tell this is a secret stage because Coco is there.

In Dash Dingo you have to save the world by getting batteries for Cocoa’s  pink late 90s laptop, because chargers are outlawed in this postapocalypse. As you start touching you are controller, you will realize what a treat you are in for, because Krash 2 controlls a hell’uva lot better than the first game. The game looks better, has more detail, better level design. The music is a lot more catchy and complex too than the more ambient music of the first game.

very scary

So yeah Crash 2 is slightly more fun than crash 1 which was very fun so this is fun too. See you next time when we will play Neo Turf Masters ’96, the last game in the Crash Bandfantasy XIII: Crash Returns.

He might say that you can run, but you’ll just run straight into that hole!