Tales From Space Station 13

What’s up Buttbuddz fans, today I have brought a collection of real stories originating from various Space Station 13 servers for your entertainment. Reader beware, you’re in for a scare..

The Fly Swatter

Job: Security Officer

Server: /tg/station

It’d be a lie if I said this round started normally as the first thing I heard over radio was “security a plant is breaking into chemistry”. Upon detaining the rogue plant I found out a flyperson was behind the whole scheme. While I’m beating him with my baton the warden started yelling at me because the flyperson is naked and disgusting, and a scientist comes up and offers to blow the fly up with a bomb. A tempting offer, but I’ve something else in mind: “How about instead, I hand it over to xenobiology so you can mutate it into something else besides a fly?”, with the scientist’s approval I bring him over to xenobiology (luckily for me i was picked as the science guard). The Research Director asked why I was in there, but once I explained I was making the fly a test subject for xenobiology he was happy to take control of the situation. As the RD dragged the fly into xenobiology, the last words I heard from the fly were “What is happening?”.

I’m not sure what the fuck happened to that flyperson as I never heard from him again. The rest of that round wasn’t too noteworthy besides me arresting a couple lizards who broke into the HoP office and helping the HoS kill his impostor. It would have been a happy ending, but alas someone bombed the shuttle just before it took off and I, along with 97% of the crew who were on the shuttle, died.

When the round ended I saw the person I gave the fly to was actually a traitor, so if I had to guess the fly probably ended up getting fed to slimes. Whoops!

The Squad Chef

Job: Squad Leader

Server: Colonial Marines

Things are always fun when I’m the squad leader, yes indeed if Roy Gerbil is your squad leader victory will be guaranteed, even if you lose! Unfortunately for us, during the briefing command gave my squad (charlie squad) FOB duty. FOB Duty is always the worst thing and least amount of fun you can have while playing Colonial Marines so I was praying for something interesting to happen.

While we were heading down on the dropship, I overheard my squad specialist talking about his plans to cook the local wildlife. An excellent idea if I say so myself! Since we were on FOB duty, I gave my squad some new orders to secure the kitchen and organized a small scouting party to go out and look for wildlife. Everything was going well, until my squad medic starts complaining about my idea, claiming we’re supposed to be fortifying the entire nexus and not just the kitchen. Clearly he was blind since I had one engineer securing the kitchen and another setting up FOB around the rest of the nexus.

Luckily the scouting party I sent came back with two dead monkeys, and now it was time to feast. Unfortunately the squad specialist, despite his ambitions, was not a great cook. He was a pretty bad cook in fact, as half the things he tried to make ended up as burnt messes. This was made worse by the fact that I forgot to eat my rations before I was sent down, so I was pretty fucking hungry, as such I ended up placing down a squad supply beacon and begged logistics to send down some food. They must not have got the message because all they ever sent down was ammo and metal, so I was forced to eat the specialist’s half-baked (or over-baked) trash which didn’t do much to satisfy my hunger.

While this is happening, hydroponics is being attacked by xenomorphs and my squad medic is still bitching at me for overseeing the kitchen operations instead of helping to reinforce hydroponics. But command never told me to reinforce hydroponics, as such my duty was still to guard the FOB and produce low-quality junk food. It was a good choice since hydroponics ended up falling shortly after, now we could get some action at the well-fortified FOB!

The xenos tried suicide charging a few times but with my excellent communication and use of close air support we managed to repel the attackers with minimal losses. Now it was time to take the initiative and make a counter push straight to hydroponics. The xenos couldn’t handle my highly unorthodox strategy and were forced to retreat across the river, where we continued our push and eventually won the game. All thanks to Squad Leader Roy Gerbil and his food rationing scheme!

The Corgi

Job: Corgi

Server: NoX Station

On the now inactive NoX station, there was an option to play as a corgi. Corgis were a joke role, and usually if someone were punished they’d be banned from all jobs except for corgi. This was because corgis were completely useless and incapable of doing anything on the station.

For some reason I decided to play as a corgi this round, and upon exiting the arrivals shuttle the first thing I see is an assistant and a security officer fighting each other in the arrivals checkpoint with the door wide open. Seeing my chance to do something as a corgi, I went in and started removing the security officer’s equipment. Since the officer was standing still in the same spot I actually managed to take off his security belt and taser while the assistant was disarming him, with this the assistant grabbed the baton, stunned the officer, then handcuffed him.

The officer swore to report me to the admins but as far as I know he just ended up getting laughed at for losing to a corgi as a security officer.

 

Those are all the stories I have for this article, please subscribe to the Buttbuddz for more great Tales From Space Station 13.

A No-Impression Review of Danganronpa V3

What’s up Buttbuddz fans, today I will be reviewing this video game which I have not played and barely seen. But I can tell whether or not something’s good or not just by looking at it, so don’t worry about it! Now I’ve at least heard of this game before, apparently it was banned from Something Awful, which left me wondering if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

This is not an anime article.

Now my first no-impression with this game was not a good one, because I saw it was an anime, easily identifiable by the characters’ anime designs and the very Japanese names. I found out it was not all like that however, and I will get to that soon.

It could mean my subscription to the Ape Quarterly!

You see it seems only a large minority of the game is an anime with the rest of it, seemingly intentionally, appealing to Buttbuddz audiences, which almost makes up for it being an anime. Luckily anime styled games are being replaced with classic western styled games as the rise of games like Bendy And The Ink Machine (which the buttbuddz did a review on please check it out) and Cuphead show. But I’m getting off-topic, and this is a subject for a future article.

You can tell at least one of the developers was displeased with the game’s anime direction, as the game contains great cartoon bears and references to Disney’s Toontown Online. Now you may not see the Toontown Online reference in this image, but according to legend the voice actor for this character who was a FISH in a past life also voiced Spike Spiegel in the kind-of-anime Cowboy Bebop, and Spike Spiegel is the name of Pickles The Random Toon’s toon. There is also an unconfirmed reference to the Bean Counter cog from Toontown Online, but it could also be a reference to actual bean counting.

So for my no-impressions review of Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony, I rate it

 – 1 1/2 PEPSI CANS out of 5 – for great Buttbuddz references and not-anime things in an anime game, with the potential for more if I had any idea of what the gameplay was like

 – 1 COKE CAN out of 5 – for being anime

If you enjoyed this review of Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony go check out the new Danganronpa related video on The Buttbuddz Youtube channel!, and do subscribe while you’re there!

Why anime is Anti-Pepsi

Hello Pepsi fans, welcome to another great and informative Buttbuddz article. Now you may have gotten the impression one way or another that the Buttbuddz is some kind of weeaboo establishment, but that is quite the opposite of the truth. Today I will be exposing anime as Anti-Pepsi, and thus Anti-Buttbuddz.

First, here’s an enlightening chart from whatjapanthinks.com, which I’m sure is a very reliable source for information about Japan, so what I’m about to show you is genuine.


As you can see a majority of Japs are COKE DRINKERS with only 16% drinking Pepsi, and I’m pretty sure there are more Pepsi drinkers even in Georgia than 16%.

That’s quite an unfortunate statistic for anime, but you may say to yourself “well i watched the buttbuddz top 10 anime part 2 and it says tiger & bunny is sponsored by pepsi”, which is true, but you may also recall that video noted that Tiger & Bunny is a terrible name for an anime, which probably means it’s a terrible anime.

Now why would a terrible anime have Pepsi in it? Simple: this anime is trying to ruin the reputation of Pepsi. That’s right, the weebs are using the good name of Pepsi and attempting to twist it into something much darker.

Hearing this information may have put a damper on your mood as you think “has anime contained subliminal messages for coca cola this entire time?”, now that I’m not sure of but I think for reasons I am about to explain western cartoons are actually the best alternative to anime for both Pepsi drinkers and fish supporters.

This snapshot from a season 2 episode of Spongebob Squarepants holds a very noticeable Pepsi logo which has a wave on it since this is the version of Pepsi that is served to fish. As we know, there are many great cartoons which feature fish, as is proven in the Top 10 Animated Fish Buttbuddz video. If that’s not proof that cartoons are sponsored by Pepsi, I don’t know what is.

In conclusion: Anime is very Anti-American and Anti-Pepsi, where western animation is very patriotic and supports fish and Pepsi.

Thank you for reading, please subscribe to The Buttbuddz.

What Kaiserreich: Legacy of The Weltkrieg’s Second American Civil War can tell us about the world we live in today

What’s up Pepsi fans today I’m going to show you the shocking parallels between Kaiserreich: Legacy of The Weltkrieg’s Second American Civil War and the Second American Civil War in our timeline.

How’s America? Broken

As you can see there’s a lot going on in this picture but we can pick out some very important details.

  • Atlanta is the capital of the nasty American Union State, which proves that Coca Cola (whose headquarters are in atlanta) is an extremely un-american beverage, only consumed by reactionaries and brutes
  • Chicago is the capital of the Combined Syndicates of America, proving that Chicago is the biggest dumpster fire in America and that Illinois is actually full of communists
  • Before Canada steals New England, America owns New York (home of pepsi) which proves that true Americans drink Pepsi over all else
  • The illegals who are also commies jump over the border and steal not only America’s jobs, but also her oil due to the lack of a wall (i made a trump joke please clap)
  • Even MORE proof that the west coast is the worst coast?
  • By stealing Alaska and New England, Canada shows their true colors, just like how in our timeline Canada showed their true colors by making me pay $41 for a case of beer and not letting me bring my guns over the border
  • You may not see it because this is a brutish map but Hawaii secedes and sometimes joins Japan so that’s probably symbolic of something but I’m not sure what

As you can see there is a lot going on in America in the world of Kaiserreich but how does it relate to the America you live in? Well behold:

That’s right, as shown in this only the states of the American Union State and Combined Syndicates of America support coke, while the rest of the United States supports Pepsi. In fact, Colorado has an 80% approval rating for Pepsi, could this mean Pickles is a closeted Pepsi drinker????

Find out next article on the buttblog, and don’t forget to subscribe to the Buttbuddz and share this article with your friend if it enlightened you.